Since the dawn of time, a great tribe of Lords and Valkyries have lived in a fortress, atop a mountain, in the northernmost part of the galaxy. There, steel was the law and only beer, mead and grim glacial snowmelt was drunk. Great were the warriors who waged ceaseless war against the treacherous agents of false metal, and minstrels falsettoed of their might in many epic sagas. And with much drinking, windmilling and soloing, did their reign continue.
But one majestic dawn, an insidious influence began to creep into the lives of these metal warriors. Like a miasma from the colon of the last leper in Hell, this evil slowly, but surely made it’s presence felt.
A party of Valkyries, eager for their home to be rid of such filth, confronted this evil in an underground cavern at the base of the fortress. But when they first glimpsed what it was they were up against, even the brave Valkyries recoiled in horror. The sight that cursed their fair countenances was the antithesis of everything the tribe stood for – insipid, short haired males who cried and talked about their feelings rather than solving their quarrels with steel. And even worse were the females of this subspecies, overweight, badly dressed and so stupid they actually enjoyed sobbing about their pathetic lives! In a righteous fury the Valkyries slaughtered all that they could find and then winged off to report to the rest of the tribe what they had discovered of these mutants who dubbed themselves “emo”.
The great Metal Lord himself, sitting atop his throne of iron, stroked his Abbath-style beard as the warriors below discussed their battle plans, and great was his voice when he pronounced for all to hear “EMO IS FUCKING GAY!”
Created by the badassed blodbegjear